Terry Alderton on Shrimpers, Keepers and Crosses

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Terry Alderton started his career as a Goalkeeper for Southend United FC and is now a very successful TV stand up comedian and TV presenter, he also got robbed of the Sport Relief Lets Dance title in March this year.

Hi Terry. First of all how did your son enjoy his first ever game last weekend? They don’t realise the importance of it until they’ve been there 20 years and through a few relegation seasons! I didn’t!
I think the first ten minuets were all new and exciting, then that was my lot (my lot the selfish bear faced cheek). It reminded me of when I first took my nephew around the same age. He asked me “when would the game end”? I replied, “when the ref blows up”, on this his face was struck with horror! At this I explained blow his whistle not explode.

Comedy or professional League 2 goalkeeper?
Fine line. I’d choose Comedy. I’d rather be a lower Premier League comic than a Second Division Goalie. Plus I have a much longer life span as a stand up (or what ever it is that I do).

Now onto the “Shrimpers”, or do you prefer the “Seasiders”?
Shrimpers, I’m old school and that’s what our origin is. I like Seasides as well, although Blackpool are the true owners of that handle. (Who I have noticed have hardly any fans again!)

How is Southend’s keeper doing at the moment?
I can’t keep up with them. Let’s go with Smith. Being very blessed as a club in the past with keepers it’s be a little bit of a problem. Though I feel we have a steady and consistent goalkeeper now. Though I do like Cameron Belford. Thought he was up for it last season as a loan player so all good to have him.

Any banter stories with the crowd whilst in goal & the ball being at the other end?
When I came on as a sub in The Match [SkyONE Legends v Celebs game at St James Park] I was greeted to quite a hearty support. Once this died down a lone Gordie voice shouted “Terry Man! I think your a funny comedian… But your a shit goal keeper” to which I turned to face the game thinking oh my god! Not unlike Del Boy when he was about to fly of the cliff strapped to a hang glider.

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My old man had a FA goalkeepers coaching badge but kept with being a British Gas fitter. Did you consider going that route? (coaching, not joining British Gas)
No, I’m too unorthodox in my being period. So to learn something then teach it… Good luck.

Is it frustrating when you see a keeper in the wrong position? It wasn’t even me that had the FA badge but it annoys me when a keeper isn’t closing down his angles.
Yes but a lot has changed I think even in the last three years. Coming for a cross seems to be a thing of the past. And saving with ones legs and punching. I was told if you can punch with two hands you can catch it and legs was a complete no no. I know the ball moves differently now… But I’d like to see more of crosses/corners being taken.
[We’re with you completely on this]

Who’s the best keeper you’ve ever had? & best ever in the world? Yashin has to be up there?
I take it you mean the Shrimpers? Well best or soft spot, Mervyn Cawston, even though he was only a loan keeper [at the time] and on two spells played a total of 19 games [10 games 74/75 on loan, 9 games 84/85 season, but also 189 games between 1978 & 1983]. Reason was first keeper I saw play for us. Then it’s tough!! In no order Sammy, Roycie, Flav’s all great great keepers.

How do you feel Paul Sturrock has performed this season?
Well he’s not got a lot to play with. It’s a tough one to judge a manager as we don’t truly know what goes on [behind the scenes]. But on the whole I’m more than happy with him.

Are you playing the right formation?
Hard to judge when you have a small squad. I imagine he does as he can.

What is the clubs/ fans priority this season?
PROMOTION I FUCKING HATE THIS LEAGUE!

How do you rate your summer signings?
Ryan Cresswell, or “Adam 2” as we’ve been calling him, is the dogs tits!

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Freddie pleased to see back. Needs to get a bit filter lose a few pounds too. Smith as I said steady. I feel sometimes Britt Assombalonga plays like he needs a rocket up his arse.

Who are and how do you rate the strength of your closest rivals in the League?
I think this is more of a league of “oh we never get anything off them”. Morecombe, Burton… I’m a bit of a snob and I feel like we are in a non-league league and don’t think any of these teams in it have the right to play us let loan be in the same competition!

Are you satisfied with your big game performances?
We seem to play and always have played better against the best teams and crap against the… Crap.

Where might it all fall apart?
Fitness. I feel everyone’s playing for the team. That’s when it works. Look at all our successfully seasons, all the players gelled and wanted it as much as us.

Where will you finish (one word)?
Third.

Thanks very much Terry and all the best.

Terry has recently recorded a pilot for BBC Radio 4 and completed a successful critically acclaimed Edinburgh show. Further details can be found at www.terryalderton.com and you can follow him on twitter @terryalderton

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