Quote Unquote

All the quotes in football you’ll ever need. This will be updated frequently.

“How was I supposed to get excited about the oppression of females if they couldn’t be trusted to stay upright during the final minutes of a desperately close promotion campaign?”

“Whoever invented football should be worshipped as God” – Hugo Sanchez Marquez

ARSENAL

“I’ve been consistent in patches this season” – THEO WALCOTT

“Arsene has shown a lot of faith in that squad and they repay him with a performance like that? Should be ashamed. #prideintheshirt” – IAN WRIGHT AFTER A 6.0 LOSS AT STAMFORD BRIDGE

“If you’re not frustrated that you’re not playing football then you shouldn’t be playing football” – THEO WALCOTT

“Sometimes in football you have to score goals.” – THIERRY HENRY

“I didn’t see it” – ARSENE WENGER

“The last six games of the Invincibles season were the most pressurised, because we were under pressure” – RAY PARLOUR

“In the end, Rosicky initially did well” – ANDY TOWNSEND

“Danny Welbeck is unique. He reminds me very much of Darius Vassell” – JOHN BARNES

“Three minutes to go – this is where Arsenal normally get a last-minute goal” – SIR ALAN SUGAR

“Arsenal are in tough competition for fourth with the likes of Spurs, Everton and Arsenal” – PAUL MERSON

“Arsenal need crispier passing” – SAM MATTERFACE

“John Cross is feeling very boyish about Arsenal’s chances” – ALAN BRAZIL

“Arsene Wenger has got to unlock the purse strings” – JOHN MOTSON

“Arsenal’s defence will be a worry going forward” – KENNY CUNNINGHAM

“If you eat caviar every day it’s difficult to return to sausages.” – ARSENE WENGER

“I think in England you eat too much sugar and meat and not enough vegetables.” – ARSENE WENGER

They played Arsenal and got their backsides felt” – CRAIG BURLEY

“Arsenal owe a great deal of debtitude to the keeper” – MATT LE TISSIER

“If Arsenal don’t finish third, they might not finish in third place” – ALVIN MARTIN

“Santi Cazorla is two-footed” – GRAEME LE SAUX

ASTON VILLA

“I’m as happy as I can be – but I have been happier.” Ugo Ehiogu

“Well, it’s a love-hate relationship and he loves me.” – GRAHAM TAYLOR ON DOUG ELLIS

BLACKBURN

“The directors of the club are in dialect with the protesters” – STEVE KEAN

BOLTON

“Bolton have won just three of their last two games” – IAN ABRAHAMS

“The Bolton back four didn’t have a cat on earth’s chance” – STAN COLLYMORE

BRENTFORD

“Football may appear the be all about the Premier League, but its real clubs like Brentford, locked away in an almost forgotten part of West London that sustain it.” – TABLOIDS

CHELSEA

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“Tell them Osgood is not forgotten on the plains of Almería.” – 1971, Raquel Welch.

“Osgood 1-0….goals like that are only scored by special players like that!” – DAVID COLEMAN

“When I got the sack by Chelsea, I didn’t realise how much it would hurt”
John Hollins

“Yoghurts are down at Asda”
Graeme Le Saux when asked for his save of the month

“I think Chelsea are the favourites now… They have Petr Cech.” – GIANFRANCO ZOLA BEFORE CL FINAL PENALTIES IN MUNICH 2012

“I have top players and I’m sorry, we have a top manager. Pease do not call me arrogant because what I say is true. I’m European champion. I’m not one out of the bottle, I think I’m a special one.” – JOSE MOURINHO

“I’m feeling a lot of pressure with the swan in Scotland. It’s not far and I’m more scared of the swan than of football. What’s football compared to life? A swan with bird flu, for me that’s a drama.” – JOSE MOURINHO

“Omelettes, eggs. No eggs, no omelettes. And it depends on the quality of the eggs in the supermarket. They are class one, two or three and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. When the class one eggs are not available you have a problem.” – JOSE MOURINHO

“I felt everything with this club – when Chelsea was happy, I was happy, when Chelsea was sad I was sad” – JOSE MOURINHO

“Boring? I agree. I play them 10 times and never lost.” – JOSE MOURINHO on jeers at final whistle of draw at Emirates (Chelsea haven’t lost in ten games against Arsenal under Jose as at 24/12/13)

“He said you are a good player but if you want to become the best you have to come play for me. I thought who is this guy?” – DIDIER DROGBA ON MOURINHO

“I’m standing in the shower, cleaning my balls, & he tells me I’m the best player in the world. I’ll never forget it.” – FRANK LAMPARD ON MOURINHO

“It’s hard to explain to my two girls, Luna and Isla why i’m no longer a Chelsea player anymore. But they (daughters) are daddy fans first & foremost. I have told my daughters that they can always love Chelsea” – FRANK LAMPARD

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Lampard upon leaving Chelsea

“I would love to sign Didier Drogba but he would never Sign for United Because Chelsea Boys are LOYAL to their club” – Sir Alex Ferguson

“When Mourinho says training will last one and a half hours it will never last a second longer.” – EIDUR GUDJOHNSEN

“If you crossed John Terry a washing machine, he’d head it into the goal and carry on playing…”. – Sky Italia commentator

“Players don’t win trophies. Teams win trophies.” – JOSE MOURINHO

“I promise exactly the same things as I promised in 2004. With this difference: I’m one of you” – JOSE MOURINHO message to fans on Chelsea TV on his return as Manager

“In Something About Mary, there’s a fella called Ted. He’s a pure lookalike for Franco Zola”
Jody Morris

“Like so many of the Chelsea team, Zola is Unique” – BARRY VENISON

“If I was having a race with my mum and I was expected to beat her by 50 yards, I’d like to beat her by 60 yards. I love winning”
Frank Sinclair

“I think Frank Lampard should be England captain. Permanently. There, I’ve said it. #ClassAct” – @piersmorgan

“I once asked the CFC masseur who was the worst ‘patient’ to massage. “Essien.” “Really? Why?!” “It’s like massaging iron.” – Rick Glanvill Chelsea Historian

“The first time I met Ken was shortly after he’d taken over the club. We were out on the field, looking around the ground and I said to him, ‘Thanks very much, Mr Bates, for saving my club’. Right away he corrected me, ‘No, it’s my club, Bobby!’” – BOBBY TAMBLING

“Everybody was waiting for Chelsea not to win every game and one day when we lose there will be a holiday in the country. But we are ready for that.” – JOSE MOURINHO

“In Jose’s heart it goes his wife, his kids, then Chelsea.” – WESLEY SNEJDER

“It sounds crazy, but when Jose talks about the Premier League & Chelsea, it’s like a kid telling his parents what he wants for Christmas.” – WESLEY SNEJDER

“Fernando Torres needs a new leash of life” – STAN COLLYMORE

“Will Chelsea qualify with ease? I think they will, but it won’t be easy” – JAMIE REDKNAPP

“Cahill went off, then Botswana came on” – PAUL ELLIOTT

“Lads went on to get browns and list and I had to get on the plane for Scotland.” – DAVID SPEEDIE on scoring Hatrick at Wembley

“Kenny Dalglish tried to buy me twice. He would not, and I hate Batesy for that, he would not sell me to Liverpool because I was too much of a threat.” – DAVID SPEEDIE

“They’re the best supporters in the world for me. There’s none better.” – DAVID SPEEDIE ON CFC FANS

“THEY WON US THAT CHAMPIONSHIP.” – DAVID SPEEDIE ON CFC FANS IN 83/84 season

“I’m going to say it. It’s written in the stars!” – GARY NEVILLE

“If Big Pete’s happy, then I’m happy” – JOHN TERRY Pre Munich 2012

“He was happy because everything was blue” – JOHN TERRY ON PETR CECH

“It was great to score against them. I think I like them as much as they like me!” – JOHN TERRY after scoring at White Hart Lane

“F****** hell! It’s only a boot!” – shouts Mourinho as play is stopped as Eto’o is attacking on the edge of a Schalke’s penalty box when the ref stops play for their player to put his boot back on. Champions League Group game (CFC 1.0 up at the time) Nov 6th 2013.

“I thought we were going out, and I thought it was about saving our embarrassment of not letting in too many goals.” – FRANK LAMPARD on the moment Chelsea went 2.0 down with 2 men at the Nou Camp. They drew 2.2.

“Liverpool is my home.” – R*FA B*NEATHUS whilst Chelsea ‘Manaher’

“When JT scored after the 100 yard dash vs Maribor on Tues he grabbed me and said “Can we just stand still for a bit?” – CESC FABREGAS

“The gaffa said to me to take him out. I said, “what and get sent off?” They replied, “don’t worry, they’ll miss him much more than we’ll miss you.” – CHOPPER HARRIS on playing George Best

“I could never get near him. Whenever I came close his team mates were already patting him on his back and shaking his hand” – CHOPPER ON BEST

“If you said you’d been to Tenerife, he’d say he’d been to Elevenarife.” – DAVID SPEEDIE ON MASTER.K.BATES

“Hello my sharks, welcome to the funeral.” – CLAUDIO RANIERI BEFORE CHELSEA V MONACO CL SEMI FINAL

“Anyone can cheer a winner but it takes special people to cheer when you haven’t won.” – CLAUDIO RANIERI

“Once you’ve played for Chelsea you’re always welcomed back for the rest of your life, so you become Chelsea and it becomes you” – FRANK LAMPARD

“If Oscar carries on like this then the world, literally, is at his oyster” – IAN ABRAHAMS

“The important thing was we got the three points.” – WAYNE BRIDGE AFTER CARLING CUP FINAL WIN V ARSENAL

“Manager Rafa Benitez is under pressure from the Chelsea fans just for breathing at the moment.” – MARK LAWRENSON

“I’m not that crazy”
Demba Ba when answering why he didn’t take the Penalty off of Frank Lampard when he would have scored hatrick.

“John Terry wears his shirt on his sleeve” – RAY PARLOUR

“Fernando Torres needs to be loved on a regular basis” – MARK LAWRENSON

“In the FA Cup, you always have to expect the unexpectable” – ROBERTO DI MATTEO

“Ramires is involved in everything he does” – GRAEME LE SAUX

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“Didier Drogba’s just a big loveable lump. Graham Norton seemed to get inside him last night” – CLIVE TYLDESLEY

“Frank Lampard is engaged to Christine Brinkley” – MICKY QUINN

“Fernando Torres is playing out of his face at the moment” – TOMMY LANGLEY

“Chelsea have to play Sunday night – the FA won’t bulge” – ALAN BRAZIL

“Chelsea are all in blue, with their white socks” – SAM MATTERFACE

“Luiz nearly missed an open header” – ALAN SMITH

DUMBARTON

“Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead.” Tom Ferrie

EVERTON

“When Everton knock it long, they don’t knock it long” – PAUL MERSON

“It was the game that put the Everton ship back on the road.” Alan Green

It’s now much more 50-50 in favour of Everton” – IAIN DOWIE

“Do you mean when we were a little bit rough with the tackling? Up north we do that quite often, that’s actually allowed in football.” – DAVID MOYES after Wenger complained about Everton’s “intimidating physical challenges”

FULHAM

“Fulham haven’t had a shot on target, which is probably why they aren’t in the goals” – TONY COTTEE

LEEDS UNITED

“I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.”
Mark Viduka

“Leeds is a great club and it’s been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough.” Jonathan Woodgate

“I’d go back to Leeds at any time, but not right now” – GUS POYET

LEICESTER

“They can push the bat a little bit more than others at that level” – STEVE CLARIDGE

“I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don’t want to leave Leicester.” – STAN COLLYMORE

LIVERPOOL

“It was a damp squid for Liverpool” – PAUL MERSON

“Luis Suarez is a victim of his own make-up” – MICKY QUINN

“This is a club with incredible values & ethics” – BRENDON ROGERS after Suarez BIT Chelsea’s Ivanovic.

“We’ll, now is the time for Liverpool to set an example – rather than circling the wagons and appearing in absurd t-shirts as they did under Kenny Dalglish the last time Suarez embarrassed the club.” – STEVEN HOWARD post Ivanovic bite.

“Anger management sounds like a positive step forward for Suarez but I think a dietician might help too.” – DAN WALKER post Ivanovic bite.

“Jordan Henderson is a player who likes to do his business in the middle of the park” – JASON McATEER

“The Merseyside derby games are unique in the city” – BRENDAN RODGERS

“Excuse me but I want to opt out of this tax thing. I have looked at my wage slip and they are taking too much money off me!”
Unnamed German Liverpool player

“Liverpool are a massive club” says fan on Talksport.
“massive clubs don’t sign Ricky Lambert”. Jason Cundy in response

“It’s looking more and more less likely” – ROBBIE FOWLER

“The FA inquiry has been a farce from start to finish and it’s not even finished” – DIETMAR HAMANN

“I couldn’t settle in Italy, it was like living in a foreign country.” Ian Rush

“Suarez’s hunger for the game seems unquenchable” – ALAN SMITH

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MANCHESTER CITY

“Sheikh Mansour is putting his money and his mouth where his mouth is” – STAN COLLYMORE

Mario Balotelli is like Marmite, you either love him or hate him. Me, I’m between” – JOE ROYLE

“Man City are entering the eye of the tiger” – MARTIN KEOWN

“Manchester City feel like they’ve been hardly done by” – NIGEL PEARSON

“Man City have got a run of genteel games coming up” – CRAIG BURLEY

“And here goes Aguero, looking to relieve himself” – MIKE INGHAM

“Dzeko scored against QPR to set up that climax at the finish” – NIALL QUINN

“He does understand the word ‘police’, but not more complicated words. The letters are written from Cheshire Constabulary and the word police doesn’t appear on it anywhere.” – CARLOS TEVEZ’S SOLICITOR REGARDING SPEEDING CHARGES

“They’ve had their moments, City, but nothing too consecrated” – CLIVE TYLDESLEY

MANCHESTER UNITED

“I think I’ve found you a genius,” – scout Bob Bishop in a telegram to Sir Matt Busby after seeing
15-year-old Best.

“I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don’t know into what religion yet.” David Beckham

“I don’t want Rooney to leave these shores but if he does, I think he’ll go abroad” – IAN WRIGHT

“Darren Fletcher is the type of player who would walk over hot coals to play for his country, and he has done” – ANDY GRAY

“I’m such a United fan I moved out of Manchester.” – JOHN COOPER CLARKE

“Ferdinand has been laid out by Kolarov’s unfortunate follow through” – JON CHAMPION

“On a night we got beaten in the cup by Luton, the staff came in and said, ‘Clive Clarke has had a heart attack at Leicester’. I said, ‘is he OK? I’m shocked they found one; you could never tell by the way he plays’.”
Roy Keane

“My best moment? I have a lot of good moments but the one I prefer is when I kicked the hooligan.”
Eric Cantona

“At United, we strive for perfection. If we fail, we might have to just settle for excellence.”
Sir Matt Busby

“I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.” – GEORGE BEST

“I’d give all the champagne I’ve ever drunk to be playing alongside him in a big European match at Old Trafford.” – GEORGE BEST ON ERIC CANTONA

“There have been a few players described as the new George Best over the years, but this is the first time it’s been a compliment to me.” – GEORGE BEST ON CRISTIANO RONALDO

“When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be dropped into the sea.” – ERIC CANTONA

“Ji-Sung Park is probably not as young as he was when he arrived at Old Trafford all those years ago” – RAY HOUGHTON

“Alex Ferguson is speaking about Liverpool in an intimate way” – STAN COLLYMORE

“I remember the first time I saw him. He was 13 and just floated over the ground like a cocker spaniel chasing a piece of silver paper in the wind.” – FERGIE ON GIGGS

“I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it. Football. Bloody hell.” – FERGIE

“My greatest achievement is it what is happening right at this moment, my greatest achievement was knocking Liverpool right off their perch. And you can print that.” – FERGIE IN 2002

“It’s City isn’t it? They are a small club, with a small mentality. All they can talks a out is Manchester United, that’s all they’ve done and they can’t get away from it.” – FERGIE

“Sometimes you have a noisy neighbour. You cannot do anything about that. They will always be noisy. You just have to get on with your life, put your television on and turn it up a bit louder.” – FERGIE

“If I’d tried it 100 times or a million times, it wouldn’t happen again. If it did, I would carry on playing.” FERGIE after his flying boot hit Beckham.

“I will leave Manchester United at the end of the season and that is it.” – FERGIE in 2002. He retired in 2013. Fergie time eh!!

“It’s getting tickly now – squeaky bum time, I call it.” – FERGIE

NEWCASTLE

“Sometimes you want Obertan to open his legs and do something a bit exciting” – ALAN PARDEW

“I’m glad I don’t have to face Coloccini, because I don’t think I would touch many balls” – DEMBA BA

“Andy Carroll will cause anyone problems and I don’t see a problem in that” – ALAN SHEARER

“Bobby Robson is Bobby Robson and will always be Bobby Robson” – FREDDY SHEPHERD

“Newcastle are absolutely besotted by injuries” – MARK LAWRENSON

“He will believe he has a better chance of winning things there and at the moment he probably has.” – ALAN SHEARER ON BA MOVING TO CHELSEA

“Stand at a pelican crossing and keep pressing the button.” – PETER BEARDSLEY when asked what he’d do all day if he were invisible

NOTTINGHAM FOREST

@henrywinter: Just got this text from Danny Mills: “I was right. Stuart Pearce is not a great coach, not a great tactician & not a great motivator” #nffc

PATRICK THISTLE

“That’s great, tell him he’s Pele and get him back on.” – JOHN LAMBIE, MANAGER, WHEN TOLD HIS STRIKER WAS CONCUSSED AND DIDN’T KNOW WHO HE WAS

PORTSMOUTH

“With Harry, two plus two always makes five, not three” – MILAN MANDARIC

READING

“Reading won’t have the confidence to be confident” – PAUL MERSON

“Reading have got the good factor” – RAY PARLOUR

SHEFFIELD UNITED

“I remember the day when they sold Brian Deane and Jan Aage Fjortoft. It was like when President Kennedy got shot.” – NEIL WARNOCK

SHEFFIELD WEDNESDAY

“There’s a good-feel factor about Sheffield Wednesday” – ALAN BRAZIL

“Sheffield Wednesday are third in the table. You couldn’t be any higher” – IAN ABRAHAMS

SOUTHAMPTON

“Southampton have always been at the top, apart from the seasons when they weren’t” – RAY PARLOUR

STOKE CITY

“Michael Owen will get double figures this season – or at least 10, possibly more” – GARTH CROOKS

“@petercrouch: I knew there was problems with decision making at FIFA when I didn’t make the ballon d’Or shortlist” – PETER CROUCH after FIFA released their dodgy World Cup report in Nov 2014

SUNDERLAND

“Too often this season, Sunderland have left themselves with an uphill mountain” – GRAHAM COURTNEY

SWANSEA

“He would maybe say that he played with me.”
Michael Laudrup when asked what Pep was like to play with.

“Swansea’s right back, Rangel Angel, will be putting the crosses in” – PAUL MERSON

“Swansea do not sack managers. They sell them.” – RICHARD JOLLY

“The king of all ball boys is back making his final appearance #needed #for #timewasting.” – A 17 YEAR OLD BALLBOY (we thought they had to be kids??) DOESN’T PUT HIMSELF IN GOOD LIGHT FOR A FUTURE CARRER IN FOOTBALL

TOTTENHAM

“Are Spurs title contenders for the league? – MICKY QUINN

There’s always been a fierce rivalry between Spurs and Tottenham” – DAVID PLEAT

“Defoe was level and anyone who says otherwise is picking hairs” – JOHN MOTSON

“With all their guns flying, Tottenham would be a threat” – GLENN HODDLE

“Everyone talks about fourth at this club, we’re not getting fourth, wake up” – TIM SHERWOOD AFTER HIS SPURS SIDE LOSE 4.0 AT CHELSEA MAKING IT 24 YEARS SINCE A WIN AT THE BRIDGE

“Spurs have been here before at White Hart Lane” – CLIVE TYLDESLEY

“When Gareth Bale opens his legs like that, it’s just a magnificent sight.” – GARY NEVILLE

“Daniel (Levy)’s not going to say: ‘Good old Harry, lets help him out. I love QPR.’ He isn’t going to give us a special deal because it’s me. He’ll look to get whatever he thinks someone’s value is, that’s what he does. January is his time of year. He’ll be offering those ‘three for one’ deals, or buy one get one free, on the last day. That’s how he works.” – HARRY REDKNAPP ON LEVY

WATFORD

“I’ve only played for Watford, so I’m called a one-man club” – LLOYD DOYLEY

WEST HAM

“Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field.”
Unknown

“Matt Taylor ran half the length of the field, width-wise” – IAN ABRAHAMS

“Hopefully Andy Carroll has only tweeted his hamstring” – SAM ALLARDYCE

“West Ham have committed 13 fouls, but they weren’t fouls, they were commitment” – RAY WILKINS

Hartson’s got more previous than Jack the Ripper!” – HARRY REDKNAPP

“Samassi About don’t speak the English too good.” – HARRY REDKNAPP

“Dani is so good-looking I don’t know whether to play him or fuck him.” – HARRY REDKNAPP

“Paolo di Canio is capable of scoring the goal he scored.” – HARRY REDKNAPP

WEST BROMWICH ALBION

“We have this mentality of going into every game just thinking about the next game” – SHANE LONG

WIGAN

“Roberto Martinez’s belief is unbelievable” – DAVE WHELAN

WOLVES

“I feel sorry for Wolves at the moment but not sorry for them” – DAVID PLEAT

“Matty Jarvis had acres of time there” – STAN COLLYMORE

PUNDITS/ PLAYERS/ OTHER

Only Fools & Horses Del: We had Denzil in goal, we had Monkey Harris at right-back, we had…we had camaraderie.
Trigger: Was that the Italian boy?
– RIP ROGER LLOYD-PACK (AKA TRIGGER)

“Can you imagine not being a football fan? Nothing like it!” – GARY LINEKER

“You don’t win anything with kids.” – ALAN HANSEN ON MAN UNITED, AT THE START OF THEIR 95/96 DUBLE WINNING SEASON

“Bogdan should be playing for whatever country he comes from” – PHIL THOMPSON

“It’s the old adage – what stays on tour, happens on tour” – IAN ABRAHAMS

“What club has ever sacked a player?” – ALAN HANSEN post Suarez BITING Ivanovic. Actually Alan, Chelsea sacked Mutu & Bosnich for drugs. The former being a players they’d invested a lot in and needed (to quash the thought that clubs don’t sack players they want to keep)

“That was a great finish, but you could say it wasn’t a great finish because it didn’t go in” – CHRIS WADDLE

“In the immortal words of Steve Bruce, you’ve just gotta grin and bank it.” – RON ATKINSON

“The Carling Cup ought to get a little more credit than it deserves” – MARK CHAPMAN

“It’s six of one, half a dozen of the other at least” – STAN COLLYMORE

“When you play for England you’re all representing that curry… er, your country” – JAMIE REDKNAPP

“Peter Schmeichel will be like a father figure to Kasper Schmeichel.” – JAMIE REDKNAPP

“My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7.” – DAVID BECKHAM

“In a sense it’s a one-man show…except that there are two men involved, Hartson and Berkovic, and a third, the goalkeeper.” – JOHN MOTSON

“Scottish football needs a kick in the arm” – CHARLIE NICHOLAS

“I watched the United v Reading game with my jaw literally hitting the floor” – IAN WRIGHT

“Robin van Persie is 29 years of old” – SAM MATTERFACE

“Ronnie Moran had us as young boys, religiously” – PHIL THOMPSON

“Samuel Eto’o is reputedly the highest-paid player in the world at £350,000 per week – that’s £5,000 a day” – CLIVE TYLDESLEY

“If that had gone in, it would have been a goal.” DAVID COLEMAN

“It’s never over until somebody sings” – CLAYTON BLACKMORE

“That’s exactly how you head a ball… you use your head” – RAY WILKINS

“It’s an unprecedented precedent” – CLARK CARLISLE

“They’re a little bit miss and hit” – DWIGHT YORKE

“Look at that roar” – NIALL QUINN

“I’ll give the ref the benefit of the doubt but he’s got a lot wrong” – MARK BRIGHT

“Everything I know about morality and the obligations of men, I own it to football.” – ALBERT CAMUS

“I fell in love with football as I was to later to fall in love with women: suddenly, inexplicably, uncritically, giving no thought to the pain or disruption it would bring with it.” – NICK HORNBY, FEVER PITCH (read the book and watch the film, whoever you support, its amazing!!)

“…so please, be tolerant of those who describe a sporting moment as their best ever. We do not lack imagination, nor have we had sad barren lives; it’s just that real life is paler, duller and contains less potential for unexpected delirium.” – NICK HORNBY, FEVER PITCH

“Yes, yes, I know all the jokes. What else could I have expected at Highbury? But I went to Chelsea and to Tottenham and to Rangers, and saw the same thing: that the natural state of a football fan is bitter disappointment, no matter what the score.” – NICK HORNBY, FEVER PITCH

“How was I supposed to get excited about the oppression of females if they couldn’t be trusted to stay upright during the final minutes of a desperately close promotion campaign?” – NICK HORNBY, FEVER PITCH

“Leave it up to Arsenal to score one goal when they need two.”
“You want them to score the second goal before they core the first?” – PAUL & STEVE IN FEVER PITCH

“He done great to get where he got” – PAUL MERSON

“I think one of these teams could win this” – ANDY TOWNSEND, BEFORE UEFA SUPER CUP FINAL

“It’s like a stone rolling down a hill – it’s gathering more and more moss” – GRAEME SOUNESS

“They were numerically outnumbered” – GARRY BIRTLES

“It’s so daft it’s almost stupid” – CHRIS KAMARA

“It was goalposts for jumpers” – TONY MOWBRAY

“Not to win is guttering” – MARK NOBLE

“The game is not over until it is” – DWIGHT YORKE

“He’s got a lot of self-belief in himself” – GRAHAM BEECROFT

“He’s been like a fresh of breath air” – ROY KEANE

“The thing about goalscorers is that they score goals” – TONY COTTEE

“Six yards out and Wheater headers it over” – PAUL MERSON

“The one significant change is in fact the second significant change” – JONATHAN PEARCE

“Rolando’s been given a second yellow for arguing with the life support…. er, the linesman” – CHRIS WADDLE

“One win doesn’t make a swallow” – DANNY KELLY

“That’s put a strain on his left-hand knee” – JOHN SCALES

“However people have interpretated that is up to them” – EDDIE MITCHELL

“He’s a good footballer, as in technical-wise” – TONY CASCARINO

“The butterflies will be jangling” – GABBY LOGAN

“Getting picked gives you half that confidence, or 50 per cent of it” – GLENN HODDLE

“Shay Given is champing on the door to be involved this weekend” – ALEX McLEISH

“There was nothing wrong with his timing – he was just a bit late” – MARK BRIGHT

“Most of Michael Owen’s goals have come in the past” – DAN WALKER

“That kind of natural understanding doesn’t develop naturally” – KENNY CUNNINGHAM

“Martin Jol has put his hands on his heads” – RAY PARLOUR

“When David Beckham leaves the game, it will take a very special player to come in and carry the mantelpiece” – SOPHIE NICOLAU

“The half-time whistle blows and I have one word for you: Absolutely brilliant” – SAM MATTERFACE

“And now over to Barnet for another flash from Jacqui Oatley” – IAN ROBERTSON

“As the saying goes, ‘you don’t fix something if it isn’t broken'” – PAUL MERSON

“Steven Fletcher cost a very lot of money” – CHRIS WADDLE

“It’s pouring down and the ref is enjoying his moment in the sun” – ADRIAN CHILES

“We are talking negativitively about them” – RAY WILKINS

“Martin O’Neill has literally lifted Sunderland out of the mire” – PHIL THOMPSON

“Football’s all about yesterday, it’s all about now” – PAUL MERSON

“Neither team has really taken the baton by the scruff of the neck and put their stamp on it” – NIGEL WORTHINGTON

“The problem is nobody knows what the problem is” – DAVID CRAIG

“The pass for Wright-Phillips was overweight” – ALAN SHEARER

“He went in with his shuds stowing” – GARY NEVILLE

“You’ve got a little spring in your step in your voice” – MICKY QUINN

“The paint is hardly dry on Neil Warnock’s sacking” – JIM WHITE

“There was nothing wrong with his timing, he was just a bit late” – MARK BRIGHT

“That’s literally opening a team up and putting them to the sword” – NIALL QUINN

“When you’re there, it’s one of those ‘I was there’ moments” – TONY GALE

“He’s the player who can unlock the key” – STUART ROBSON

“It was end-to-end stuff at both ends” – JACK DEARDEN

“Mistakes will be made, make no mistake” – GARTH CROOKS

“There are so many sides down there at the top” – MARK SAGGERS

“He’s sort of facing the goal with his chest” – LEE DIXON

“There’s only one person gets you sacked and that’s the fans” – PAUL MERSON

“Most goals are scored between the posts” – JAMIE REDKNAPP

“Where do you sit on young players, Martin Keown?” – JONATHAN PEARCE

“The proverbial is hitting the flan at the moment” – ALVIN MARTIN

“Martin Kelly has been booked for a foul on everything” – GRAHAM BEECROFT

“He’s 23 years of old” – MICKY QUINN

“The sun is squinting into the keepers’ eyes” – JOHN TEMPLE

“I’d love to get to the final of Masterchef. I’d feel almost as if I’ve failed if I didn’t” – DANNY MILLS

“I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.” – BARRY VENISON

“I’ve had 14 bookings this season – 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.” – PAUL GASCOINGE

“Winning doesn’t really matter as long as you win.” – VINNIE JONES

“I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.” – STUART PEARCE

“I’d like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.” – MARK DRAPER

“The opening ceremony was good, although I missed it.” – GRAEME LE SAUX

“I’d rather play infront of a full house than an empty crowd.” – JOHNNY GILES

“I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football.” – LES FERDINAND

“Football is a fertility festival. Eleven sperm trying to get into the egg. I feel sorry for the goalkeeper.” – BJORK

MANAGERS

‘I wouldn’t say I was the best manager in the business. But I was in the top one.’
BRIAN CLOUGH

My greatest challenge is not what’s happening at the moment, my greatest challenge was knocking Liverpool right off their f*****g perch. And you can print that.’
ALEX FERGUSON

‘Some people believe football is a matter of life and death. I’m very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that.’
BILL SHANKLEY

“Please don’t call me arrogant, but I’m European champion and I think I’m a special one.” – JOSE MOURINHO

“We are top at the moment but not because of the club’s financial power. We are in contention for a lot of trophies because of my hard work.” – JOSE MOURINHO

“Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil, than English sides like Wales.” RON GREENWOOD

“Well, Clive, it’s all about the two M’s – movement and positioning.” RON ATKINSON

“I’ve got nothing against foreign managers, they are very nice people. Apart from Arsene Wenger” – TONY PULIS

“When a player gets to 30, so does his body.” GLENN HODDLE

“I don’t believe in luck… but I do believe you need it.” ALAN BALL

“There’s a lot of work been put in that hasn’t been put in” – GLENN HODDLE

“It’s not always plain sailing , especially when you’re flying” – BRENDAN RODGERS

“I hope to be back in management in the next future” – PAUL INCE

“As long as you hit the target, they’re going to go in… if the keeper don’t make a save” – IAN HOLLOWAY

“Football these days isn’t going forwards. It’s going sidewards” – BOBBY GOULD

“He’s not as young as he used to be, Bobby Zamora” – GARY COTTERILL

“If we’d have scored, it would have been a different result” – TONY PULIS

“It wasn’t going to be our day on the night.” BRYAN ROBSON

“We must have had 99 per cent of the match. It was the other three per cent that cost us.” RUUD GULLIT

“If you don’t question the officials’ role then you’ve got to ask what they are doing” – ARSENE WENGER

“In the first half, I didn’t see the second half coming, that’s for sure” – MICK McCARTHY

“If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing.” TERRY VENABLES

“When you are 4-0 up you should never lose 7-1.” LAWRIE McMENEMY

“I look forward to hearing from the silent majority” – ALEX McLEISH

“I haven’t seen it, but it looks generous” – ARSENE WENGER

“Whoever you support, you’ve got that blood in your veins” – PHIL NEAL

“If we’d kept a clean sheet tonight, we’d have won 1-0” – STEVE COTTERILL, AFTER FOREST LOST 2-1

“I was a young lad when I was growing up.” – GLENN HODDLE

“Home advantage gives you an advantage.” – DAVID O’LEARY

“If you closed your eyes, you couldn’t tell the difference between the two sides” – PHIL BROWN

“It’s all hands to the decks now” – NIALL QUINN

“He could have done one of three things. He didn’t do either” – GORDON STRACHAN

“To concede so late is a bit of a pill to swallow” – LEAM RICHARDSON

“The more you lose, the more you don’t win” – ALEX McLEISH

“They’re being asked to play three games a week… mentally, they can’t ascertain to do that” – BOBBY GOULD

“They should slowly integrate them out of the club” – MICK QUINN

“That’s certainly lit the litmus paper” – BRADLEY ALLEN

“I have such bad luck at the moment that if I fell in a barrel of boobs, I’d come out sucking my thumb.” – IAN HOLLOWAY

“Rome wasn’t built in a day, but I wasn’t on that particular job.” – BRIAN CLOUGH

“Our squad looks good on paper. But paper teams win paper cups.” – HOWARD WILKINSON

“I’m a firm believer that if the other side scores first, you have to score twice to win.” – HOWARD WILKINSON

“You can’t say my team aren’t winners. They’ve proved that by finishing forth, third and second in the last three years.” – GERARD HOULLIER

Di Canio
When I was a boy I stole my brothers bike and sold it to buy some pick and mix sweets for me and my friend. I did share the sweets, though, so it was one bad action and one good action.
Di Canio

I like tradition in England so Christmas Day I tried to mix a traditional turkey dinner with Italian food. I cooked a roast, which was beautiful, and also a Tiramisu, which I make a lot because it is the best. I tried not to eat too much, though, because I am on a diet
Di Canio

Money has never been a priority for me. Obviously, I still need to be paid, but it is more important for me to livewith a bit less money and have more glory. This is my view in football and in life. I would rather be paid one pound to manage a team that has a good plan to achieve success than be paid lots of money to manage a club where the team and plan is not very good.
Di Canio

I donated my image rights to Villa Stuart – a sport clinic in Rome that is one of the best in Europe – in exchange for free treatment and rehabilitation for my injured players. We only pay for the surgery, but the use of expertise, machinery and accommodation is all free and all thanks to Paolo Do Canio.
Di Canio

Before Christmas I also went to Stonehenge for the winter solstice. Swindon had just beaten Tranmere 5-0 and I waited until 4am before going there to see the sunrise. It was raining and I didn’t see anything so I left and went straight to training.
Di Canio

“Paolo Di Canio is one picnic short of a hamper” – ALAN BRAZIL

“I never comment on referees and I’m not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat.” – RON ATKINSON

INTERNATIONAL

“Scotland v Wales will be like a Cup tie” – ALAN BRAZIL

“The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukranians will be more European” – PHIL NEVILLE

ENGLAND

“We will win the World Cup.” – SIR ALF RAMSEY after being announced the England Manager in 1963.

“You’ve won it once. Now you’ll have to go out there and win it again.” – SIR ALF RAMSEY team talk prior to the 1966 World Cup Final extra time.

“England are dangerous black horses” – GARETH SOUTHGATE

“Without being too harsh to David Beckham, he cost us the match.” – IAN WRIGHT

“My captain, my leader, my right hand man. He was the spirit and the heartbeat of the team. A cool, calculating footballer I could trust with my life. He was the supreme professional, the best I ever worked with. Without him, England would never have won the World Cup.” – SIR ALF RAMSEY ON BOBBY MOORE

“You’ve got to believe that you’re going to win, and I believe we’ll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we’re knocked out.” – PETER SHILTON

“In Italy, Latin people will support you when you are playing and when you lose, they kill you. In England, I’m always surprised that people always support everything and that is nice.” – PEP GUARDIOLA [might wanna ask Steve Kean & Rafa Benethez about that]

“Have a word with him.” – GARY LINEKER TO ENGLAND BENCH REF GAZZA WC SEMI FINAL 1990

“Football is a simple game; 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end, the Germans win.” – GARY LINEKER

“We didn’t underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought.” – BOBBY ROBSON AFTER ENGLAND BEAT CAMEROON IN ITALIA 1990

GERMANY

“Bayern will have the added advantage of playing in their own stadium – that’s like a home game for them” – PAUL ELLIOTT

“Robben and Ribery have what you call a fisty relationship” – ULI KOHLER

“Ozil could find the needle in a haystack with his sense of smell” – RAY HUDSON

“The Premier League used to be the best national league in the world until 2009. Now the Premier League is only the best league in Asia.” – PAUL BREITNER advertising the Bundesliga

“Germany are a very difficult team to play – they had 11 internationals out there today.” – STEVE LOMAS

ARGENTINA

“My mother thinks I am the best, and I was raised to always believe what my mother tells me”
– DIEGO MARADONA

“Argentina won’t be at Euro 2000 because they’re from South America.” – KEVIN KEEGAN

“They’re the second best team in the world and there’s no higher praise than that.” – KEVIN KEEGAN

SPAIN

Iker Casillas said “I wonder why goalkeepers are not recognised as decisive. We are the only essential players of a team.” – IKER CASILLAS

“If the situation was the other way round, I wouldn’t be here to answer that question.” – TITO VILANOVA ON JOSE MOURINHO’S MADRID BEING 15 POINTS BEHIND BARCELONA

“Most Barcelona Fans are kids that watched their first game of football yesterday.” – DIDIER DROGBA

WALES

“The rules of soccer are very simple. Basically it is this: if it moves, kick it. If it doesn’t move, kick it until it does.” – PHIL WOOSNAM

SWEDEN

“What John Carew does with a football, I can do with an orange.”
– Zlatan Ibrahimovic

“Jose Mourinho is a big star. He’s cool. The first time he met my wife he whispered to her: ‘Helena, you have only one mission. Feed Zlatan, let him sleep, keep him happy!’ The guy says what he wants. I like him”
– Zlatan Ibrahimovic

“If Mourinho lights up a room, Guardiola draws the curtains.”
– Zlatan Ibrahimovic

“We are looking for an apartment in Paris. If we don’t find anything, then I’ll probably just buy the hotel.”
-Zlatan Ibrahimovic

“Steven Gerrard could have played for a big club.” – Zlatan Ibrahimovic:

“Nothing, she already has Zlatan.”
– Zlatan Ibrahimovic when asked what he got his wife for her birthday.

“Messi (has) four Ballon d’Ors but I don’t have to get on a box to buy a chocolate bar in a vending machines.”
– Denied as a Zlatan quote, but funny.

“A World Cup without me is something I won’t be following” – after Sweden missed out on Brazil 2014

FRANCE

“I don’t care, I won the World Cup.”
– Frank Le Boeuf

ITALY

“Whereever he goes, Mauro will be loved and appreciated by Lazio fans”
– Mauro Zarates Agent

“The true champion is humble. He collects the balls when training with the reserves. He doesn’t cry on Twitter, and he reduces his wages. He does not cling on to an overly generous contract. Zarate: Leave.”
– Lazio Fans Banner

“Abbiati sticks out a lanky arm to save that” – ALAN SMITH

“They’re not that very good, Napoli” – PAUL MERSON

“Levante have gone fourth in Serie A. If anyone can tell me what part of Italy Levante is in, please call. I’ve no idea” – ALAN BRAZIL

“He barged into the locker room one day and barked at me in front of everyone, saying that I reeked of garlic. I didn’t understand what he was saying but the translator, who was also a Korean, blushed and, at first, was too embarrassed to translate the remarks.” – AHN JUNG-HWAN ON MATERAZZI AT PERUGIA

“If I’m a liar then Benitez is skinny.” – MATTERAZZI

“You don’t have to be a horse to be a jockey.” – ARIGO SACHI

GHANA

“Before my mum died, she told me not to take penalties anymore”
– Asamoah Gyan

BRAZIL

“A penalty is a cowardly way to score.” – PELE

“We lost because we didnt win.” – RONALDO POST 1998 WORLD CUP FINAL

SERBIA

“They gave the Serbian FA a poultry fine” – ALAN BRAZIL

INDIA

“Is it still called Calcutta? I thought it was Bombay these days” – CHIS KAMARA

BELGIUM

“Belgium are outside dark favourites to win the group” – IAIN DOWIE

FIFA

“This was just a very, I would say, a small boos. Stars are always booed so I’m a star, you have to take it this way. I thought that the public in the Olympics would be a little bit better educated.”
– FUCK OFF SEPP BLATTER

“I would comment on the games but I would not say ‘now he passes right or left’ because everyone can see that on TV, but I would make my comments on tactics or techniques.” – AGAIN, FUCK OFF BLATTER

CHANTS

“We lose every week, we lose every week, you’re nothing special, we lose every week”

“We’re going to Germany, you’re going to Barnsley.”
Chelsea to Blackburn, prior to Blackburn being relegated & Chelsea’s Champions League Final 2012

Sources include but not limited to;
Google
Citibet
The little book of Chelsea

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